Living in an uprooted season

This past summer has been an exceptionally eventful season. My husband Brandon and I have had what has felt like endless weddings, baby showers, family get togethers, and times spent with close friends. All of these thing are good and beautiful to be apart of! Its so encouraging to see the covenant of marriage between two God fearing people, and its also such a blessing to celebrate new life. I love growing closer to family and friends through fun summertime activities. All of this time spent in community is truly a blessing!!! We are now just left feeling, well, exhausted.

I don’t want to point the finger at all the people who have initiated all of these activities because it simply isn’t people(s) fault. I also don’t want to sit around and throw myself a pity party for my fatigue either. Sometimes, there are just seasons that are abundant, teeming with life and excitement, and others that are quiet, slow paced, and uneventful. This summer was simply NOT the latter.

Now, it seems that I have stumbled into a period that I haven’t quite expected. I thought that with a bustling season coming to an end I would gracefully land in a season of rest. I thought with my mind and body being exhausted by all the commotion that the Lord would lead me to a place of peace. I believed that, frankly, God would see me and just give me what I wanted. But that is not who our gracious God is.

Here where I live, we have four seasons. Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall, with the first season (Winter) being the longest by far. Spring feels almost non existent because we practically sky dive from the icy dry mountain tops of Mt Everest Winters to the hot and sticky humidity of Bahama like Summers. Even with Summer being so hot, everyone enjoys it by cramming the days full of busyness while they can, as if there will never be another. Fall takes the stage for what feels like seconds, flashing its bright colors and brisk gusts of wind, to end in dreary mud puddles filled with dead leaves. Snowflakes gracefully descend to remind us of the everlasting cycle.

When I ponder on the natural order of seasons I see how my own self oriented thinking is flawed. I am reminded that summer does not twirl 180 degrees towards winter. Fall must come between, even if it is just for a what feels like seconds.

So, you may be tracking with my analogy but in what ways is this displaying itself in my own life?

Two weeks ago, I bought a planner in not just hopes, but true commitment to using it to provide me with much needed structure in my days. I so easily form spontaneous rhythms that have no rhyme or reason to them. So planner life it is!!!!

One of the first things I did was carve out time in the mornings specifically dedicated to homeschooling my sweet daugter (what ill call her on here) Joy. Currently we are on the escapade of letter recognition!! A much needed skill for reading, writing, and pretty much all of her education here on out. But, in following through with my plan, again, things did not go as I had hoped.

While I was trying to brush Joy up on her letters A-L, I began playing “20 questions” and unknowingly demanding perfection from her. She quickly became flustered as she was trying to meet up with my standard of achievement. Five minutes into home-school time and she was completely indifferent about it. She had moved on to playing tea party with her stuffed animals and I was sitting on the floor in complete disbelief on the verge of tears.

Later on that evening I went to Pinterist and searched “why does my child seem disinterested in learning her abc’s”? Through reading many homeschooling blog posts I found that it wasn’t her that was the problem, it was me!! 🙁 She wasn’t wanting to focus on learning her letters because I was killing her desire for learning with all of my incessant questioning. All I cared about was her “getting it right”. I realized that I was clinging to my roots of control.

I’ve struggled with control most of my life. I don’t know exactly why this is one of my first inclinations I turn to when I’m stressed, it just is the way it is. Nevertheless I believe a part of it goes all the way back to our sister Eve who thought that life would certainly be better if she understood both good and evil. She took a bite of the fruit and… Her life was not better, and not even in the slightest way. She not only knew what good and evil was (which we know isn’t a better life), but she defied her Heavenly Father. She without thinking acted out on the belief that “my way is better than God’s way”. This didn’t get her “nowhere”, it was the act that officially separated man from God. Ouch, that’s a big consequence for eating a piece of fruit.

I see this in my own life. I desperately want my child to learn and grow so she can flourish and someday hopefully become a woman of God. But in wanting something so bad, I overstep, and I mistakenly believe that it would be better to force fed her education. This isn’t how God teaches us. He doesn’t force feed us. He tells us clearly and blatantly what we should and shouldn’t do AND the consequences of our actions. The bible says “but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.” Genesis 2:17.

This control thing is not from God, its apart of my sinful nature and is something He has called me to tear up. He doesn’t want my roots in the ground of control, but in the ground of surrender. This is so hard because it feels like control would be better, but that’s simply the lie of the enemy! I now have to start giving Joy’s education up as an offering to the Lord. He knows what she needs, He knows how she learns, and I trust He is going to lead the way.

So it turns out when I really wanted the cold silence of winter, I’m actually needing the transition of fall. I’m needing to “uproot” so to say my desire for control and submit to the ways of Him. This won’t be easy coming out of a busy season, but maybe it’s what He’s wanting just before the real winter season sets in. Maybe He (because He’s sovereign and all knowing) sees that true and lasting rest would only come after setting my heart on the right path before this new season of homeschooling.

All in all God is so so good. He knows what is best for us even when we think we know better. I’m so thankful I get to start a new season uprooted, ready and eager to seek the living soil of surrender to Christ.

I hope you guys enjoyed getting an update in the life of a aspiring homesteader!! I hope this was encouraging and if you are going through something similar right now, feel free to leave a comment and share about your experience living in an uprooted season down below!

Bénédictions à vous,

Emma ♡